An octopus on steroids and stereo

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Jireh has been refusing to sleep till 10 or even 12 midnight on some days. And it is a disaster because I am a wreck after 8pm; even before I was pregnant I was regularly sleeping at 9pm. 

At first we would spend hours patting and shushing him while he whinges, moan and fidgets in my arms. It’s like trying to tame an octopus on steroids and stereo! It was so frustrating I had stood up once in anger (yes, anger!), put him down (it took all my self-control to do this gently), and walked out of the room. I just wanted him to disappear so that I can go sleep. 

Now we have a new SOP which means Jireh cry less and is that little bit less aggravating. We bring him to our bedroom with only the bathroom light turned on, I lie in bed next to him, while Graham does his work on the computer. I close my eyes and put my hand on Jireh’s tummy and from time to time mutter: “When are you going to sleep huh?” It still feels like crap, really. (Everything does, when you are sleep deprived I guess!) And I wonder how I will survive this. I feel a little useless because, really, who sleeps at 9pm anymore?! *raises my hand feebly* 

One day I just simply realized it’s ok for me to feel crappy on these occasions – I am a human being and I have physical limits. I told God about it. And you know what? I still feel tired – that’s just my body clock talking! – but I feel less frustrated that Jireh isn’t sleeping when he should, or how I can’t exactly play or even talk with him. And I will survive this one day at a time.  

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