don’t envy my lymph nodes

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A surgeon removed these globs of infected lymph nodes from my baby! Yes, all seven bumpy lumpy one of them are from his groin. And we have just spotted another swollen lymph node on his neck (which is unrelated to the groin’s but probably also infected by bacteria).So I’m wondering: When will this end?

I know some couple who is trying to conceive and can’t is probably envious that I even have a kid to worry about. I know, because I was there before. Right now? I’m thinking, so-and-so’s kid didn’t seem to have so many problems; how I wish Jireh would be healthy too, without swollen lymph nodes popping out one after another. Envy is very very relative. And it’s implicitly saying God has not been good to me.

But it’s not like God has abandoned us. Especially now I want to say  that God is good. All the time. There is no goodness spectrum where God is very good if Jireh is healthy and God is not so good if Jireh isn’t. God is just good and perfectly so! That is why I want to stop this “I wish…” sort of thinking and talking. I will continue to pray for Jireh’s health (and I hope you will too!) but in the midst of all these trials, God is good. And I can embrace that today. 

I need to pray for endurance too. It is not a lot of fun feeding a baby antibiotics 3x a day, begging  him to please please swallow and watching him whinge from the alien taste in his mouth. It is worse to see him so feverish he is unable to gather energy to suckle at the breast. And all the while just hoping that I’m not doing anything wrong to make it worse.

But James 1.2-4 tells me to count it all joy when I face trials. Because this test of my faith has its purpose — it is to produce steadfastness. And the one who remains steadfast under trial will receive a crown of life from God himself! This is a good reminder because this crown really doesn’t look so attractive when you have a sick child at home. The trials are only a means and they don’t last forever. Therefore I need to keep my eye on the prize.

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