the maternity leave that wasn’t

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The carpet was pulled from right under my feet.

The 10 days leave I thought was narrowly secured, was ultimately taken away.

I received the news with an “Oh.” It was halfway through what I thought my last week, and over the next few days I was surprisingly equanimous about the whole thing. Oh well, my colleague had worked till her signs of labour started in the office; who am I to whine about my six-week pre-delivery break being cut short?

But when I had to drag my tired feet to work on Monday the feeling of frustration rose in my heart. “Why did my replacement have to quit when I am about to start my leave? I just spent 3 weeks teaching him what to do and now I will have to teach another person again.”

In the past week, my thoughts toward this person has been anything but loving (1 Cor 13:4-6). Though no one enjoys realising how sinful she really is, God has lovingly exposed my true nature: I am completely incapable of loving others as myself.

And I am thankful.

The more I despair of my own goodness, the more I depend on Christ’s goodness.

So as I throw myself upon the grace of Jesus Christ — he has fulfilled all the requirements of the law for me! — I am humbled and hopeful. I may not love this person today but I can change with God’s help.

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