A tired brain is like a petty broken record.
Graham forgot to unplug his laptop before going to bathe this morning. I told him when I saw it.
Five minutes of silence while I poured out some prune juice.
Then I suddenly picked up, “You know, that’s why I always say, keep your laptop before you go away.”
I packed my bag to get ready for work.
And again, “Hey I think you should put your alarm clock further away from you tomorrow. Or you would continue to switch off the alarm and go back to sleep.”
I grumbled because I had to wake him up nearly two hours ago.
It’s like I don’t say much nowadays because I’m so tired, but I am still playing this meta-track on my brain, in which I try to control every single thing that is not going right in the house. And when I pipe up, my words don’t sound pretty at all.
So I prayed, I confessed my need to surrender control to God, I also asked him to take care of my husband when I cannot. Then I laughed! Who do I think has been taking care of both of us all these while?
This morning I read in Job 42 v5 and 6:
I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
but now my eye sees you;
therefore I despise myself,
and repent in dust and ashes.
I was amazed that such a godly man like Job, whom God himself commends, considers himself to have only heard of God until now. And seeing God made him despise himself! And repent in dust and ashes!
It all sounds very gloomy until I remembered Psalm 145:14 which says,
The LORD upholds all who are falling
and raises up all who are bowed down.
I was reminded to humble myself before God despite the unbearable tiredness and nausea I am going through, because of the hope I have in our gracious and merciful God when I do so.