Last night I couldn’t figure out some calculation for an insurance paper and I began to whine. And I started to get annoyed that my husband is not helping me right away. When I have gotten over it and apologised, Graham would say as usual: “Yah you were very whiney” in the most understated tone ever. He shows me so much grace when I whine!
What my husband can’t hear though are the excuses I give myself: I would make up for this when I sleep better, when I have finished my exams, when we get the study room done. I could do a better job of serving another when I have more time, energy and attention in the world to give. But now is just ‘not a good time’.
It is a good thing in reality that ‘better timing’ never comes or I will be depending on myself. In real life one thing or another happens and there’s always a reason not to love others until I decide to love them anyway. That’s when I learn to depend on God’s grace.
My perfectionist tendencies says I can’t love others until I can love them perfectly but that’s just vainglory. Only Jesus has loved us perfectly by dying on the cross for our sake. As I reflect his love for us in my small ways, I shall be content to depend on him daily and love my husband little by little, bit by bit.