when I knew Jesus died for me

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For many years in university I paraded as a Christian. I thought that not chasing after the things that other people pursue makes me a pretty good Christian. I wasn’t kiasu about my grades, I wasn’t a mugger, I didn’t dress up and put make-up, I wasn’t vain. I didn’t buy lots of clothes and shoes either. Also I didn’t smoke or scold swear words; I tried to be nice to people but I wasn’t really good at that. I prayed, read my bible and even went for 8.30am services!

But then one day I realised God wasn’t very impressed with my life. What he wanted from me was repentance, not moderation; trust in him, not good works. In the gospel I learned I am a sinner and everything I do is not good enough to earn God’s forgiveness. I need Jesus who died in my place to rescue me, because I deserve to die. So I cried many tears over my sins which were so grievous to a holy God, and also tears of joy because God forgives me completely and freely through Jesus Christ.

Now my life has changed. Jesus is my Lord and Saviour so I don’t have to worry about God’s judgment, much less my life, school grades, and looks because he cares for me and provides for me. I can work hard and shop wisely because I know it honours God and pleases him. I can love people even though I’m still not very good at it, because God wants me to and he enables me to love them too. Plus he gave me a husband and a home near church so I can keep attending the crazy 8.30am services.

I think he knew all along.

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