I didn’t go missing, I was moving house!

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Something a friend said made me rethink submission. It challenged an assumption I’ve unknowingly held — that leading always means planning and thinking, and submission always means doing and executing.

She simply said that in her relationship with her fiance, she takes care of the details because she’s good at it while he looks at the big picture because he’s better at that. Complementary gifts, team work, partnership in marriage — not too hard to grasp.

I shared in response: “Hey that sounds the same as my relationship with Graham, except our roles are reversed.”

And I wondered if I have unduly expected and sometimes urged Graham to do things he’s not naturally inclined to do. Have I also felt guilty for nothing when I work out big picture plans, thinking that I’m usurping his authority by doing so?

From where has the idea that leading=planning and submission=doing crept in? From the corporate world? After all, very few clerks are known to be visionaries, yet directors are usually praised for their foresight and long-term thinking.

I don’t necessarily agree that clerks are boring autobots and directors are always brilliant thinkers (quite the contrary)… yet I seem to have projected the stereotypical corporate hierarchy on marriage.

Is there biblical basis for such a model? How do biblical principles for submission translate practically? I realise I still don’t fully grasp what it really looks like in real life to submit to my husband.

For starters, I am thinking, “Who am I to think that God didn’t know better than to put us together just the way we are?” And if so, what does it look like for me to submit to Graham?

(I am not abandoning the imperative of wife submitting to husband, but simply mulling over how I may have conceptualised submission to mean certain actions when they are not actually biblical.)

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2 responses »

  1. Pingback: talk all I want but follow all he says « Everyday

  2. Submission is a beautiful obedient to the headship of Christ if it is understood and applied according to God’s way. It is just how God created man and woman. Both equally loved by Him, equally important individuals with different roles. They are to complement one another. Women is to be men’s helper. How can women be helpers?

    Eph. 5:23, “husband is head of the wife” (but the real meaning is…)
    5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; (love is sacrificial, just as how we are called to love others and honour others above ourselves)

    5:26 that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word,
    5:27 that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously,
    not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing;
    but that it should be holy and without blemish.
    5:28 Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies.
    He who loves his own wife loves himself.

    Ephesians 5: 33b says, “and the wife must respect her husband.” That doesn’t mean that you respect him only if he respects you first. That means that you respect your husband in thought (the heart), word (your speech) and deed (your actions).

    “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold”. Ephesians 4: 26-27. (it is the devil who is happy when we get angry because he gains an open door!)

    Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. That’s who we are and that’s who God has called us to be ๐Ÿ™‚

    Keep going, you are an amazing wife ๐Ÿ™‚

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