wives, enjoy your husbands!


“Cultivate good thoughts, cultivate good thoughts, cultivate good thoughts,” I muttered under my breath.

He said he would be back half an hour ago but he still isn’t here. Doesn’t he care that I’m waiting at home for him? Then I find out that he’s having a drink at the coffee shop with the rest of the worship band. And I’m torn between hnnngh and rawwwr to express my brute emotions.

“Cultivate good thoughts, cultivate good thoughts, cultivate good thoughts.”

No I am not exerting the power of positive thinking a la The Secret. It’s something I learned which shed new light on what it means to love my husband.

Turns out that in Titus 2:4 when the young women are told to “love  their husbands and children”, it’s the phileo love they are exhorted to learn. This sort of love is a warm, tender, affectionate kind of love. On the other hand, husbands are instructed to agape love their wives (Ephesians 5:25). They are to be selfless and sacrificial in loving their wives.

The speaker suggests that we are told specifically to love each other in different ways because it’s a test of our respective weakness. She points out that “women are fully capable of loving a man and sacrificing for him while believing the entire time that he’s a true and unvarnished jerk.”

However we’re often not very good at enjoying our husbands, nurturing true and lovely thoughts about them, and admiring their character. (Philippians 4:8)

It addresses something I’ve been pondering — what’s the difference between a Christian wife and any other wives (especially those of our parents’ generation)  when they seem equally willing to sacrifice themselves for their husbands and children?

My mum never fails to remind me of the immeasurable sacrifice she’s made for us… and it’s true she did but something was missing. She’s a great mother but very often there was joy lacking in her sacrifice. There was duty but no delight.

And I find the same inclination in me. I could cook and clean just because I’m his wife while nursing murderous thoughts in my head. (Matthew 5:21-22) I don’t even have to plan for it. Phileo love, on the other hand, takes a lot more awareness and effort to nurture.

“Cultivate good thoughts, cultivate good thoughts, cultivate good thoughts.”

Two nights ago I had gone out for supper while he was locked out of our bedroom after a long day at work. Yet he wasn’t the slightest bit displeased when I got home. His patience amazes me. I want to be like him too!

“I missed you!” I greet and hug him when he’s finally back.

Today: Serene 1       Sinful flesh 0.

Tomorrow it starts all over again.


One response »

  1. Pingback: Everyday

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